A much as we love people and want to support them through tough times theres a reason why rescuing hurts people.
You can’t rescue people.
Can’t save them.
You can’t ride in on your white horse and wave a magic wand and just make somebody better. I said in my video they have to want to be rescued. But even thats not correct.
They have to want to be better.
And the reason I’m sharing this after a conversation I had with somebody today is young up punishing and hurting yourself if you approach supporting people in a rescue energy.
You can’t ride in and rescue them on the white horse, you end up disappointed. You end up disappointed which is why rescuing hurts you .
You can’t make a magic wand to make it better, even thought that would be a interesting super power to have I guess….. and while you can want for somebody to be better, its up to them and if they don’t want to be better, its their choice.
Over all this little tiktok is a reminder for you that punishing yourself, for somebody else not wanting to be well, it’s just unfair.
All you can do is be there.
Listen, offer support, and put boundaries in to keep yourself healthy, well and safe in all of this.
There is nothing wrong with prioritizing your own mental health and your own safety and feeling good. And looking after yourself, that’s not selfish at all, that’s necessary!
Just remember you can be there and offer support.
But you can’t make somebody want to be, well, you just come and it’s time to stop beating yourself up and punishing yourself for that fact, be an example.
Live well, let them know they’re loved.🥰
Don’t let other people’s problems becomes your burden to corry and to destroy your own life.
That doesn’t help anyone and having been the person whose destructive behavior had people trying to ride in on their white horses: it actually sucked.
Waving those magic wands to make me better just felt like they wanted to release their own guilt.
I resented them.
Acted out even more to not only punish them but to further punish myself for my perceived failings and inadequacies.
My life consisted of taking illegal drugs, engaging in risky behaviour, that due to it’s painful consequences pushed me to even higher levels of risk taking and self destructive behaviour.
I hated myself so much and while I heard people say they loved me, or warning about my chosen path, I didnt listen.
Only I could do that.
And it took me having to hit my personal hell and rockbottom moment to decide that it was time for me to choose differently. In that decision take new actions ot improve and save my own life.
I had to want to live.
Before anything that anyone else could do, anyone else could offer actually was valid, was valuable, was able to be used, was welcomed: it all had to start with me.
If you’re seeing people struggling and it’s making you feel like you’re not doing enough and failing, it’s not you.
My love. It’s not you at all. They’ve got to want it. 😘
Do you step into rescue mode? Or maybe you have someone in your life, that when you speak to them it feels like they go into victim mode. Check out the Kaufman Drama Triangle.
It’s a fascinating look at how people stay or hold others in a space of disempowerment.
As a life coach and for anyone who works in the therapeutic industries, it is critical to peoples personal growth that the drama triangle is neutralised before it even begins.
It’s human to want to help, it can be devastating when they help isn’t received.
You don’t have to shoulder the burden of responsibility. 💜
Want to know what shadow of yourself is the pathway to achieving your personal best in life? Take the quiz: http://bit.ly/DiscoverYourShadowValue